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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555393">Natural Selection</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ICMezzo/pseuds/ICMezzo'>ICMezzo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Schitt's Creek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Penguins, Dreams, Flightless birds Canadian mouths, Fluff and Crack, M/M, NyQuil, Pebbles are the new caramel macchiato skim two sweeteners with a sprinkle of cocoa powder, Penguin courtship, Penguins, Sick Character, background pizza</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:21:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ICMezzo/pseuds/ICMezzo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>David is a penguin. Obviously so is Patrick given that human-penguin pairings are rarely successful in business together, much less romantically in business together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Patrick Brewer/David Rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Natural Selection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <i>Dedicated to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/21016001/chapters/49982396"> Penguino</a>, who made me laugh when I needed it most</i>
</p><p>I can’t explain this other than to say this piece of crack is in response to Olive2Read’s prompt: “David gets turned into an animal” and more specifically “a penguin or something.” And so, I humbly present Schitt’s Creek penguin fic. (And you thought the last sex pollen fic was weird.)</p><p>Also, despite my best(ish) efforts, I’m sure there are many penguin-related errors in this fic. Taking a hand-wavy approach is probably best. Also, the Toronto Zoo doesn't have little blue penguins, so let's just pretend they're on loan from the New England Aquarium. </p><p>Thanks to Codswallop for her helpful feedback. She deserves the shiniest of pebbles. This work is unbetaed, and all remaining errors are mine.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We’re home.”</p><p>David’s mind took its time registering Patrick’s words, spoken softly and with an accompanying shoulder squeeze. He snuffled and tried to open his bleary eyes, feeling sluggish from the NyQuil they’d acquired from a <em>very </em>not correct gas station somewhere outside Toronto. He felt parched from sleeping with his mouth open, unable to breathe through his nose despite the cold medicine.</p><p>Patrick unbuckled David’s seatbelt. “Do you think you can make it inside?”</p><p>“Unclear,” David said as Patrick got out and came around to his side to open the car door. “Unclear if I can make it inside.”</p><p>“Okay, David,” Patrick said. “Let’s go. Sooner we get inside, the sooner you can get into bed. And, uh, maybe we can get you some tissues too.”</p><p>David groaned as he tried to unearth from the coats draped over him. “Well I couldn’t exactly wipe my nose on my sleeve,” he pointed out reasonably. It was his only piece from the Thom Browne 2013 fall collection.</p><p>“That still doesn’t mean you had to use mine.”</p><p>While trying to work out a response, David noticed their driveway seemed to be rolling like waves in the ocean. Giving up, he asked instead, “Am I high?” as he climbed out of the car, unsteady on his feet once he managed it. His brain was foggy, and nothing felt real; NyQuil always gave him the weirdest dreams.</p><p>Patrick just sighed. “You just worry about getting inside. I’ll get our bags.” He shut the car door and began pulling David’s luggage out of the trunk.</p><p>He’d let David sleep the whole way back to Schitt’s Creek after David’s cold had quickly blossomed into full-blown sick, cutting their weekend in the city short. They’d spent hours in the Art Gallery of Ontario the day before but had had to leave the Toronto Zoo well before dark and hadn’t gotten to walk the zoo’s nighttime light show as planned.</p><p>“Now, inside,” Patrick said firmly. “Get in bed, and I’ll make us some tea, and by the time that’s done, you’ll probably be able take more meds and go to sleep. Sound good?”</p><p>“I can… yes. I can do that.” David took a few wobbly steps along toward the apartment before Patrick stopped him.</p><p>“Wait,” Patrick said. “You forgot these.”</p><p>Sniffling, David held out his hand in response, into which Patrick poured a fistful of shiny rounded pebbles. He blinked at them slowly, trying to understand. His other hand clutched the bottle of cold medicine. Where they connected? He didn’t know. His eyes felt heavy. So heavy.</p><p>“Okay, into the house.” Patrick nudged him forward.</p><p>David managed a few steps before he remembered the zoo gift shop. “Imma…penguin?” David swayed a little.</p><p>“Yes,” Patrick said. “You’re a penguin. Now, c’mon, let’s go, inside.” He grunted. “Your bags are heavy.”</p><p>Once they got inside, David barely managed to get his sneakers off before falling on the bed. Somehow, he managed to take his next dose of NyQuil before completely face-planting into his cool pillow. “Mmmmfgh.”</p><p>“All right, David.” Patrick pulled their bedspread up over him. “Sweet dreams.”</p><p> </p><p>😴😴😴</p><p> </p><p>After opening his eyes slowly to the bright sun, David looked around, taking in the sand and water, the rocks to climb on, and the pervasive fishy smell. He stretched his neck and flapped a bit before getting to his feet.</p><p>He spent more than a few minutes grooming his feathers before fully emerging from his sandy nest to waddle down the beach to the water’s edge. He studied his reflection on the surface, taking in his appearance and adjusting his monochrome plumage so the black and white lay artfully over his body. He preened some of those harder to reach places as gracefully as possible before taking in the result. <em>Okay,</em> he thought. It would do. The dark patch covering his cheeks and chin might have been more extensive than most African penguins had, but he thought it showed off his nose, which had been repaired to a high standard after the “accident” with the flying rock when he was an adolescent. And if the dark markings over his eyes were also heavier than most, he’d certainly never had any complaints from any of the other penguins. Plus, they helped cover the presence of any wrinkles that might have been tempted to appear.</p><p>Alexis chose that moment to splash into the water beside him, and he honked loudly in response, both annoyed and dripping wet.</p><p>“Auk! Aaaauk!” He shook the water off in her direction.</p><p>“Awk, David!” she retorted, flipping her longest feathers at him.</p><p>He grumbled and made his way back up the beach, the water now rippling unhelpfully so that he couldn’t even be certain he looked presentable again. He squawked at her once more before giving up in favor of breakfast.  If he wasn’t going to be sleeping—and that was out of the question now that the sun was overhead, he was at least going to be well fed. While he wasn’t the fastest of penguins, he could move quickly enough when excellent fare was on the line, so he took off at a brisk waddle, flippers out for balance if not improved aerodynamics.</p><p>David worked nearby, in the pile of rocks cattycorner to the best food station—the only food station really—so he headed there after he’d eaten. While he was only getting started with his business and he was still oscillating between a few names, he could so clearly envision the outcome. It was going to be beautiful, a little exchange post of sorts—a general trading site but also a very specific trading site, where the various penguins in their refuge could all come together to efficiently trade locally-sourced organic stones, shells, bits of moss and leaves, and other practical items for their abodes or unique pieces that would help ensure a successful courtship between amours.</p><p>Like pebbles. David stocked lots of pebbles.</p><p>David would deny it hotly, but he was secretly a romantic, so he made sure he offered a wide array of beautiful stones, black, blue, brown, shiny or sparkling, rounded or uniquely shaped, all available as gifts for admirers seeking to woo potential partners according to their preferred aesthetic.</p><p>Having excellent taste himself, David knew he was the right penguin to manage the exchange. He might not have been great at tracking how much he’d gathered or organized enough to know what he still needed, but he figured it would either all come together or not. So, after breakfast, David took the lovely feather he’d found along with some beautifully braided twigs his neighbor over the rock ledge had plaited the night before and made his way to the area he’d chosen for his little shop. He knew the feather would go over particularly well with the colony’s youth who would be begin building their first nests within the next few months.</p><p>Except when he got there and looked around at the chaos, he became overwhelmed. There was so much to do, and he was only one penguin. He’d asked Alexis to help once, but that had backfired spectacularly after she took half of his shells home with her. But then, he wanted to do this on his own anyway. Didn’t he? He tried not to panic.</p><p>He was not going to panic; he was not going to panic… deep breaths.</p><p>David didn’t hear the approach of the little blue penguin who arrived a few minutes later.  He jumped, startled, when he heard the knock. Son of a walrus, the exchange wasn’t even open yet. But then he turned to see who it was and promptly forgot about everything else.</p><p>
<em>Patrick. </em>
</p><p>David tried to control the little thrill that ran through his body. Patrick was his friend, and historically, David hadn’t had many of those, so he had to be on his best behavior.</p><p>“Auk,” Patrick said in greeting, with what David thought might be a touch of nervousness peeking through his standard nonchalance. For some reason, this made David smile to himself, even though it probably meant nothing, as the small penguin had only arrived to the area very recently and from many hours away, so some shyness was only reasonable. When David and his family had been dropped off in the middle of this sparsely populated and uncultured colony to begin his new existence a few years prior, he’d been far more of a hot mess. Things had seemed very dark.</p><p>But then Patrick dipped his head, and then, lifting it again, met David’s eye and offered him a braver <em>Awk</em>, and David felt his eyes crinkle in happiness. It was the third day in a row that Patrick had stopped by.</p><p>As softly as he could, African penguins not being known for their dulcet tones, David whispered his own <em>Awk</em> in return. And then before David knew it, Patrick strutted right in and was admiring the new goods David had just brought in that morning. Before long he was helping David lift heavy rocks, and he even held his own when Alexis came in and began to flirt aggressively with him, inviting him to feel her recently preened and oiled plumage.</p><p> </p><p>🐧💕🐧</p><p> </p><p>Later, after Patrick had gone to pick up their tuna for lunch and David had brayed at Alexis for being beyond useless, she finally left, and David had a moment to consider his situation as he rearranged his grass pile, so each piece faced the correct direction. He could admit that Patrick was nice, and…sort of handsome, if you overlooked the lack of eyebrows, and…and David couldn’t wait for him to get back, and not just because Patrick would be bringing food. Though that certainly didn’t hurt.</p><p>Fine. So he enjoyed the little blue penguin’s company. It wasn’t like there was anything he could do about it. Little blue penguins had very little in common with African penguins, for one thing. Besides, he really liked Patrick as a friend and was loath to mess that up, which is what would inevitably happen if he—Well. There was no way a little blue would be into him like that anyway. He felt unsettled. On edge.</p><p>He flapped in frustration and tried to be patient as he waited for Patrick to get back. Patrick had a unique talent for calming him down, and even if David had only known Patrick for a few days, he was becoming addicted to those warm, laughing eyes and the calming hue of his blue feathers.</p><p>He swallowed heavily. It was quite possible David was in trouble.</p><p>Patrick stayed well into the afternoon, and teased David constantly, chirping him the whole time, but by the time he left, they had a whole plan in place for getting his exchange ready to open. David knew what inventory he still needed, how many shells were reasonable to trade for a piece of bark, and had projections for the number of transactions he’d have for the first few weeks.</p><p>Patrick came back the next day, too, which… few penguins stayed friends with David that long, and certainly none had ever brough David fish or offered to lift rocks for him or—</p><p>“Awk,” said Patrick. “Awwwwwk, squawk, awkawk squawk aaawk?”</p><p>David swallowed. Or offered to invest in his business.</p><p>His mind was spinning, but his mouth opened before his brain had a chance to catch up.</p><p>Yes. He would accept Patrick’s investment offer. “Awk, squawk aaaaahkawk,” he agreed, his beak turning up.</p><p>Patrick’s eyes were sparkling, and David suspected his were too. He barely managed not to crow joyfully while flapping about like a little Adélie. Tucking his face down into his feathers so no embarrassing happy noises could escape, he quickly turned away and began to put his pondweed roots into an attractive pile. But when he glanced back and saw Patrick watching him, David felt like he was filled with bubbles.</p><p>He gave Patrick a little nod and pretended to go back to work, but he didn’t get much more done that afternoon. Well, at least, not much beyond teaching Patrick to confidently use sand as an exfoliant and how to best choose a signature fragrance, because if Patrick was going to be working with him, these skills were important for him to learn. (Eau de poisson shouldn’t have worked on him, but it really, really did.) And if David got to stand close and lean in closer during his demonstrations, very nearly brushing his beak along the soft downy feathers of Patrick’s neck, so be it.  </p><p> </p><p>🐧💕🐧</p><p> </p><p>“Squawk squaaaaawk auk aauuk?” Alexis asked that night as she was getting ready for bed, her tiny nest right next to David’s.</p><p>He gave her a look. She was on thin ice when it came to helping set up the exchange.</p><p>“Awwwkawk, David,” she replied, annoyed.</p><p>But while he waited for the fish oil moisturizer to do its work, he started to reconsider. Alexis wasn’t sleeping yet, so he honked to get her attention. There were a few things he could use her help with around the exchange, even if it meant she got to raid his pile of moss.</p><p>“Auk,” he said shortly. She could come by. But she should know Patrick wouldn’t be there.</p><p>Alexis just shrugged, unbothered, as though she hadn’t been flirting relentlessly whenever she came by the store.</p><p>He wondered what was going on there.</p><p>With forced casualness, he asked, “Awwwwkawk squawk?” Alexis was rarely unsuccessful at capturing the attention of the males in the colony.</p><p>“Awk,” Alexis said, pouting for a few seconds before cocking her head at David and regarding him carefully. David busied himself with a small shard of glass he’d found on his way home, wrapping its sharp edges carefully in fronds so it could be transported safely to work the next day. “Awkawkawk squawwwwwk Patrick awksquawk,” Alexis added.</p><p>David looked back at her, unable to help himself. But even if she were right about Patrick, there was no way a laid-back little blue penguin who preferred Fish-time™ Krill Juice to locally-sourced organic squid heads would ever be into a fussy, dramatic penguin like David.</p><p>He changed the subject, and he and Alexis spent the rest of the evening honking about the cod-awful music piped in relentlessly from some mysterious force outside of their control.</p><p>David had a difficult time falling asleep that night, his mind spinning over his exchange with Alexis, Patrick’s cute little tailfeathers, and Alexis’s loaded suggestions. He counted, like, a thousand shrimp jumping over fences. It was awful. Especially because early the next morning it became clear that Alexis had contracted lice, which <em>Ewwk,</em> so David had to vacate his nest area immediately, before he’d even had a chance to apply his seaweed mask or tea tree moisturizer.</p><p>“Squawka awksquawk auk?” Patrick offered later that day, when he came into the store, saw David’s disheveled appearance, and learned about the lice outbreak.</p><p>And it was tempting, for a half moment, to see Patrick outside of business hours, to see his nest, where he slept, where he—but no. It was a terrible idea, and Patrick was only offering because he was kind, and nice, and—</p><p>“AUK!” David yelped as Patrick leaned down to sniff the little puddle of body milk. “Awk auk!” It was <em>not</em> for drinking… how many times did he have to explain it?</p><p> </p><p>🐧💕🐧</p><p> </p><p>Patrick beat David to work the next morning and had even brought snacks. David might have swooned a little. There was definitely excessive flapping on his part. He couldn’t even look Patrick in the eye for a solid twenty minutes afterward. But then Patrick cleared his throat.</p><p>“David…Squawk…” Patrick ducked his head briefly, though he held David’s gaze the whole time.</p><p>Then, slowly, Patrick uncovered a little pebble he’d had in his belly flap.</p><p>David’s breath caught in his throat.</p><p>And then Patrick was passing it to him, and David didn’t know what to do, because no one had ever given him a pebble before. Sure, he’d necked with like a thousand other penguins, but none had ever given him something so meaningful.</p><p>He looked up, uncertain. Surely Patrick didn’t mean… It had to be a mistake.</p><p>Patrick was still watching him, so David looked down at the pebble to give himself a moment to think. The stone was longer than it was wide, black with white streaks running through it, and it was beautiful. It fit David’s aesthetic perfectly. Something swelled in his belly, and he didn’t think it was the seaweed salad he’d had for breakfast. Could it—did Patrick—did this mean? He looked at Patrick and tried to read his eyes.</p><p>“Awwwwk,” David said in his quietest whisper.</p><p>Ducking his head away, Patrick cleared his throat again and stepped back, looking anywhere but at David, suddenly shy. “Awk.” He gave a forced little chuckle. “Auukawkaw.”</p><p><em>Oh.</em> David’s heart sank. Feeling his stomach twist, David looked at the ground and hoped his eyes weren’t doing something pathetic. Patrick had brought the pebble for David’s exchange, not for David himself. It wasn’t <em>that</em> kind of pebble. He tried to convince himself that it was just as good, maybe even better this way. After all, it was very nice of Patrick to bring him such a beautiful little stone for their collection. No one else had ever thought to bring him anything. Why did it feel like it was hard to breathe?</p><p>Quickly, he schooled his face. “Squawkoo,” David said carefully, hoping his voice didn’t shake too badly. <em>Thank you.</em></p><p>He made his way over to their collection of pebbles for trade, knowing he had to add Patrick’s to the pile.</p><p>But he couldn’t bring himself to put it with the others. He wanted to keep it. So badly, he wanted to keep it. He frowned. Perhaps he could just—he glanced back at Patrick, who was watching him with an indecipherable look on his face, and David found he continued to be unable to put the pebble down.</p><p>So then he simply wouldn’t; it was staying. He’d put it on display to show off the quality of their wares or something. He informed Patrick of his choice.</p><p>Patrick gave him a relieved little smile. “Squauuk akk awk.” <em>I'm very comfortable with that.</em></p><p> </p><p>🐧💕🐧</p><p> </p><p>The next day Alexis was helping David continue to set up when Patrick came by yet again. He was carrying another pebble when he arrived, this time in his beak. Alexis squeaked happily when she saw it, because of course she did. Alexis had been given so many pebbles from various penguins that she’d built a summer home down by the waterfall.</p><p>But somehow it wasn’t Alexis who got the pebble that day. Or, well, she did—she actually received three from various admirers—but Patrick’s pebble was again for David. Well, for David’s exchange, anyway. Patrick didn’t specifically say it again, but David understood. Precious tiny black pebbles with elegant sparkles and cute little blue penguins attached weren’t meant for him.</p><p>He put it carefully next to the other black one Patrick had brought the day before, because knowing Patrick was just trying to help their business didn’t mean David wasn’t going to cling desperately to them, given they were the closest he’d ever get to any sort of real courtship.</p><p>Except, the next day Patrick brought another. Creamy white with black spots.</p><p>The day after that, it was black and white in a print reminiscent of the zebras roaming nearby.  </p><p>Patrick left a pebble for David every single day leading up to the opening of their business. And if Patrick minded that David started arctic-squirreling them away, not even pretending to put them on display, he didn’t squawk a word.</p><p> </p><p>🐧💕🐧</p><p> </p><p>Opening day came quickly thanks to Patrick’s help. They spread the words to their close friends and family, and when the morning arrived at last, he met Patrick at the store. Despite the early hour, there was already a line waiting to see what they had available, all of which made David incredibly nervous.</p><p>But when he got inside and Patrick cocked his head fondly in that special way that he had, as though he knew for absolute certain the day would go well, it worked as always. David knew that they’d be okay.</p><p>“Squaaawk awkawk?” David asked, looking around yet again to check all their items were perfectly placed and gleaming in the sunlight. Were they ready to do this?</p><p>Patrick gave him a little wink. “Aukauk awk squawk.”</p><p>David bit back a smile. <em>Okay,</em> he thought. He went to the entryway and greeted their first customer, Roland, the self-appointed leader of the colony and his cheerful mate, Jocelyn. They’d brought a heap of guano to trade for a pile of dried leaves—<em>Ewwk</em>. But David was feeling generous and mostly just wanted them to leave, so he agreed, and Patrick processed the transaction while David ushered in a Galapagos penguin, Ted, one of his sister’s suitors. (Ted greeted David with a “Nice to ‘sea’ you, big guy!” which caused David to cringe spectacularly). Thankfully, Ted left quickly thereafter with an elegant stick he’d gotten in exchange for a bit of crumpled paper.</p><p>They were busy the entire day, and David might have been exhausted, but he didn’t have time to stop and notice. The moment he began to feel overwhelmed, he simply looked at Patrick, who gave him a little smile or wink in return, and suddenly David found he had the energy of a hundred Gentoos once more. They didn’t usher out their final customer until the sun was setting, but once the last penguin had left, David and Patrick practically collapsed against each other, barely holding themselves up. David sighed deeply as the tension of the day flowed out of him. They’d done it.</p><p>Patrick turned to him and gave him a smile. “Squawkawkyauk, David,” he said, pulling David into a hug.</p><p>“Squawkawkyauk, Patrick.” David felt his own smile crinkling his eyes, and he was helpless to do anything but deepen the hug, which seemed to go on and on.</p><p>David never wanted to let go. He breathed in the scent of Patrick’s feathers, though his brain had already memorized it long ago, and he knew instinctively that even if they were separated for months and months, he’d be able to recall it perfectly, always leading him back to Patrick.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>“Attention, visitors. Attention. The Toronto Zoo will be closing in fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes. Please make your way to the front gates.”</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Startled by the booming sound that always reminded David of chattering baboons, they pulled apart. </p><p>The hug meant nothing, David told himself, clearing his throat and looking helplessly around this place that they’d created together. Business partners hugged sometimes in these situations. His eyes skirted over the disarray around them from the busy day, and he tried to calm the thump of his heart.</p><p>“Awwka,” Patrick said then. “David—”</p><p>David turned to him in time to see Patrick pull a little pebble from his belly pouch. Carefully, he gave it to David. It was all black, smooth and shiny, and it was in the shape of two penguins standing as close as penguins could be, their foreheads bent in to press together, beaks touching. It was the shape of two penguins in love.</p><p>“Auuuuu,” David breathed, taking it in. It was the most special thing anyone had ever given him. Surely Patrick wouldn’t want him to trade this one away. But then. That would mean… It meant…The pebbles meant—</p><p>He looked up at Patrick.</p><p>Patrick hadn’t moved away; his eyes were hooded, and he was right there, beside David, in the place where David wished he’d always be.</p><p>And suddenly David understood. He closed the remaining distance between them, and he heard a needy little sound emerge Patrick’s beak. So slowly, ever so slowly, David closed his eyes, leaned in, and pressed his forehead against Patrick’s, feeling Patrick relax into the embrace until they shared the same shape as the pebble. Time stood still as they breathed together, and nothing had ever felt more correct.</p><p>Finally pulling away, David found his expression was impossible to control, and Patrick’s eyes were shining, too. Still, he found himself fidgeting, nervously adjusting some of his feathers.</p><p>“Squawkoo,” Patrick said, quietly but firmly.</p><p>Thanks? David blinked. <em>For what?</em></p><p>Pinking a little beneath his blue-grey plumage, Patrick explained, and David’s heart swelled within him, as did the knowledge that he was also experiencing something new, something he thought he’d never have the privilege to feel. And when Patrick asked if they could squawk the next day, David nodded, the answer easy. They could squawk anytime Patrick wanted.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“<em>Attention, visitors. Attention. The Toronto Zoo will be closing in five minutes. Five minutes. Please make your way to the front gates.”</em></p>
</blockquote><p>The announcement was enough to bring David back to their little reality, and he once again remembered the mess around them. He wanted to straighten up at least a little before leaving—he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t, and David couldn’t put his beauty rest at risk like that. Still feeling like he was swimming while on dry land, David offered to finish cleaning up alone (definitely a sign that his brain was both adrenalin- and pebble-addled) so Patrick, clearly the early bird between them, could head back to his nest for the night.</p><p>Except… Except then David smelled something so divine that he immediately forgot about the jumbled piles of rocks and leaves and twigs surrounding them.</p><p>“Awwkauk squawk awk!” David exclaimed, looking around to find the source of the mouth-watering scent.</p><p>“Um, David?” Patrick said. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Looking back at Patrick, David felt his eyes widen as Patrick held a greasy, steaming triangle up to his beak. David knew that whatever it was that Patrick had, he wanted it badly. Almost as badly as he’d wanted Patrick’s pebbles.</p><p>Patrick somehow remained just out of reach as David tried to get closer to examine this new thing, this—<em>Pizza,</em> his mind supplied—this pizza, but David felt stuck, as though he was wrapped in a tangle of brush.</p><p>“Okay, David, I think you’re dreaming. Time to wake up.”</p><p>“Pizza,” David said in awe as he thrashed to get himself free, increasing his efforts as Patrick began turning into a slice of pizza before his eyes. “Pizza! Patrick!”</p><p>“Yes, I know. Pizza. I’ve got you,” Patrick said nonsensically, putting his pepperoni-covered flipper on David’s shoulder and squeezing, getting greasy cheese all over his feathers.</p><p>“And pebbles,” David said because one was useless without the other. “Pizza and pebbles.”</p><p>“Okay, David,” Patrick agreed. “Pizza and pebbles. Time to open your eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>😴😴😴</p><p> </p><p>David blinked open his eyes and found Patrick sitting up in bed next to him, the bedside lamp giving the room a soft warm glow.</p><p>“You okay over there?” Patrick smirked.</p><p>David made a noncommittal sound and dropped his head back against his pillow, closing his eyes again.</p><p>Running his hand over David’s arm, Patrick said, “Sounds like you had quite a dream.”</p><p>David grunted in response. He needed a tissue. Where were the tissues? He felt around for them.</p><p>Patrick placed one in his hand, and David took it gratefully. After wiping his nose, he felt up to trying to open his eyes once more. It was rough going, but he managed it.</p><p>“Dare I ask?”</p><p>“Best not,” David said quickly. Everything hurt. “What time is it?”</p><p>“Pretty late,” Patrick said. “But seriously, at one point it sounded like you were honk—”</p><p>“Okay,” David interrupted, shutting that down. “I’m just very stuffed up.”</p><p>Patrick was obviously trying not to laugh, but David felt too weak to push him out of bed. What the ever-loving fuck was in that cold medicine? He groaned and sneezed thrice.</p><p>With a placating pat on David’s head, Patrick said, “I put a frozen pizza in the oven since we missed dinner. Do you think you could eat? It’ll be ready in five.”</p><p>“Obviously,” David said, trying to shake off a bit more of the medicinal haze, enough to sit up at least, since he’d never managed to find a good way to eat pizza while lying down. “What kind of pizza?”</p><p>“Anchovy,” Patrick said. “I know you specifically requested herring and squid, but we were all out.”</p><p>David glared at him. Even glaring hurt. He made a whiny noise and reached for another tissue.</p><p>After handing him another, Patrick leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to David’s forehead. “Take your time,” he said, before getting up and heading for the kitchen.</p><p>David stretched and rolled over as he listened to Patrick pulling out plates and glasses. Maybe he’d just close his eyes for five minutes. Patrick had said not to hurry, after all. He snuggled deep into his blankets, pulling them up to his chin.</p><p>His gaze caught on the small pile of shiny pebbles sitting on his nightstand next to a discarded tissue. Patrick had gotten them for him from the zoo gift shop after visiting the penguin exhibit, and David had clutched them in his hand most of the drive home. Patrick must have put them by the bed after David had fallen asleep. He felt his mouth twist happily at the thought, even as tired and uncomfortable as he was, but it didn’t last, as soon his eyelids grew heavy once more. He yawned and rubbed at his watery eyes.</p><p>“Pizza’s ready,” a voice said, seemingly from very far away. “David?”</p><p>“Pebbles,” David murmured. “You got me pebbles.” He especially liked the heart-shaped black one.</p><p>“David?”</p><p>But David was too warm and cozy to respond, and being awake was awful, and besides, the image of the little rock pile was comforting against the back of his eyelids.</p><p>Patrick’s footsteps approaching the bed barely registered, and David found himself unable to open his eyes in response when Patrick gave a little chuckle. “Okay, good night, David.” He kissed David’s cheek. “You can have your pizza for breakfast if you want it.”</p><p>“Awk,” David murmured in his sleep. “Awk.”</p>
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